2017113 - Unrevealed Roads

2017 - After years I have left my old love life back where it should be. I can't believe the strength, courage and supports I had from my friends. Thank you. Without any of you I could not find my way back. 

There's a lot of things to be done. In this very time. Yes. Too many things to be discover, especially family bloodlines. I didn't know my family (mother's side) was that big. Having to know an awesome cousins is like mind blown. Even my very own mother couldn't coup up! *laughters*

Here in Sabah, it is very important to know which family are your friends from. I can say 56% of them could be related or related through marriage. This is sooooo true. It doesn't matter where they are, just get to know. Its part of ice-breaking what? 44% is quite enough to deceive your heart! 

Searching for family bloodline is really an adventure. Exclude the bullshits drama, all that matters is where and how big is the bloodline. So far, I had explore a bit is from my father's side. I would really like to see my ancestor's face and who are they back then.

That's for the family part. There are life to be experience outside Sabah. To experience different culture is something great where no one can understand the experience how you live within the moment. I can guarantee how different the outside culture than to be only in one place. Even tho, within the South East Asia have different understanding on how they see and accept certain things.
Full of diversity. Truly Asia, Malaysia bilang dalam tourism advertisment. hahaha

Well,this is what i have in mind.

:) 

Hello 2015,

Its the end month of May now. Restarting everything I have started. My story and my very last love story. I have my very own reason to choose this way. It is for my very own good and for others at the same time. Life never stops hurting us every time or where we go. But hey, there's always the best journey about to happen right ahead. Exploring is always the best thing and fun to do. Experience the moment.

Live life positively. Every pain is worth an experience to live by. Life is full of surprises, obstacle and mysteries. Face it, because we only live life once and once is just enough. Spent every moment right. Live life with full of love.

It was 2011 and now its 2014.

I'm back to where i used to study.

But i'm not studying back.i missed this place.where i met new friends and experiencing a new enviroment.

Its an awesome enviroment actually better than the previous college i have been.

I lost my college life but these won't stop me from achieving the things that i really wanted.

What i wanna achieve?You'll find out soon enough :) 

In life,nothing comes easy,you need to pay the prize of hardship in order for you to understand and earn the worth of it.

You may sometimes get it easy,in the end you'll still have to pay the prize of hardship.

Yet,there'll always be hard times.We all wish to all the hardwork and dedication stop and enjoy its value,but then,that's not life.Life continues as so as experience,as long as you live work for it and live with it.

That is life!Live life to the fullest!

(I find it funny when people just use this word and don't understand the true meaning of its term.)

Yes,I am an ex-student of Sabah Institute of Arts and I took Diploma in Graphic Design.

Imagination and will is the key of succes!

Stay motivated!

Expression is everything,Impression is anything.

Lost.

I never felt how lost am i right now.

I really missed the moment being with someone.

I am married but then,after all we've been through,i am no longer hers. :(

I missed being an idiot and everything in a relationship :(

I no longer have the will to share with joy.

All those smiles and laughter shared.

Moments together.cuddles.texting wildly.

:(

I felt empty.hurt.lonely.

I'm not begging for anything but its just the way how i really feel right now.

Its really indescribable. :( 

Expression is everything,impression is anything.

Fats.muscle.beachbody :p

I cant sleep.seriously.and i just ate.

Screw my diet.hahhahahah.

Maintaining is sure a hard thing to do.but then you're gotta love the results.

Imagine shirtless on the beach with pure hard work of sixpack.muahahaha.

How awesome is that?its confident and male pride!aisehh mannnn!

Well that goes the same as girls too.Not gonna talk much about girls and they should know it cause they are very sensitive with it.

What happened today,won't stop me for the next day.

Gotta push and train hard.

Its now part of my life.fitness is always everybody's life.

Yet some of them just don't work for it and not into it.

Its them not me.

Make time and make your future!

:( i wish.

No Turning Back.

Dear Love,

I'm sorry for what I have done and everything for I could not satisfy you.
Hear me out please.If you choose that way,its a NO TURNING BACK.
Even if I do still love you,we can't get back like we used too.
I'm so sorry.I do meant every forgiveness I gave you.But then,when its end its ended.
I wish you would reconsider everything for the sake of our daughter.
I'm fulfilling your own promises which you would not your daughter as in your position.
While we're still together lets just work things out.
Everything is not easy,then we must do it together.

I beg you.

 If you fall,I too have to fall.And that is the last time we work together. :(
Nobody want shits to happen.


Expression is everything.Impression is anything.

Betrayal.Excuses.

The time we spent,I know I have lost most days.But what about my days thinking of you?wondering what's future ahead?i think of everything about you.But then,you still choose to be gone in my life.why?i thought you've accepted my imperfections?weaknesses?and yet you couldn't even accept yourself.why divorce was the best option since we can just discuss as husband and wife?what were the things made you silent and could not talk out but then you're my wife you can just spit,throw,get mad,slap and everything you can just do everything on me 
BECAUSE I'M YOURS!

Why won't you get it?Marriage is not just couples.But then a responsibility to keep each other closely firm and solve things together even at its deepest worst time ever.

The reasons are obviously you're meeting another guy who you think is better than I do.What's better than a guy you just met for few months and a guy who understands your characteristics and accept everything who you are?and known you for 4 years.There's a HUGE difference there.

I'm so disappointed on your decisions.You break your own promises.We promise to each other we would firmly stay and solve things even shits happen.You shouldn't kept things/feelings yourself since we're married.Because there's nothing to hide among each other as husband and wife.

It is my fault for allowing things to happen like this and made you like this.But its your choice,because if you really love me,you would have stay and fight for it,
NOT LEAVING IT UNSOLVED.

If its really about only the two of us,why there's another guy?why would you protect him?cover up all his shits?asking me not to expose?because this matters only the two of us?since that guy is involved there's NO SUCH THING OF "ONLY TWO OF US".I REPEAT "NO SUCH THINGS".
if he's really your friend why hide it from me?why private all your messages?why live life alone so sudden?
Why would you take the risk to destroy the better future?Why choose to listen to him instead of me?There's a lot of WHYs.Yet,you choose too let all things go. 

I gave you a lot of options still you stick to your only option.So then,if you must let go,I might as well let all things go all my hope and perseverance on you,from love to hatred.All of me to you are wasted.You yourself who don't choose to fix things up.You would even risk the FUTURE LIFE of our DAUGHTER.You're being too SELFISH.

I'm tired of all your lies,unanswered questions,denial and irrelevant reasons.You choose to be own your own.

THEN SO BE IT.
I love you so much and it kills every pieces of me.
I regret everything about me.I regret every chances I gave.I regret for being soft.